If you dreamed of becoming a parent when you were younger, there’s a good chance you also kept a list of names you may give to your future children. Baby names have long been scribbled into diaries or typed into notes apps by daydreaming future parents, and it’s not uncommon for favorite monikers to be whispered during sleepover conversations or shared over happy hour drinks. But what happens when you reveal a long-loved baby name and a friend appears to steal it?
In an essay for Vogue, writer Olivia Petter calls it a major form of betrayal worse than gossip or secret-spilling, as “nobody gets over it when someone steals your baby name.” She recalls one of the most iconic baby-name-stealing moments from pop culture: the episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte’s friend, Laney, says she’s naming her baby “Shayla,” a name Charlotte believes she invented at age 11 and made her friends swear not to use. In the scene, the always-loyal Samantha turns to Laney and famously says, “You bitch!”
Petter points out other times name-stealing occurred on TV, like when Rachel stole the name “Emma” from Monica on Friends, but she also shares stories of real women the scenario has happened to.
“Names are personal, no matter how unique or popular they may be. Whether inspired by family histories, books, films, or strangers who changed our lives, they mean something. So it makes sense we wouldn’t want other people using the ones we’ve chosen for our children,” Petter writes. “And thanks to a peculiar mix of gender stereotypes and social conditioning, many women start thinking about what they might call their children when they’re very young, giving them even more significance — even if they’re not sure if they even want kids.”
This issue between women, Petter notes, is “one that I’m partly convinced is characterized by a tacit internalized misogyny that pits us against each other, as if the first person to secure their baby name wins.” And because we’re in a time when names have become a status symbol, she adds, “everyone wants their baby name to stand out.”
But is taking a friend’s baby name going too far? In a 2025 Reddit thread, parents weighed in on whether or not using a baby name someone else has “on their list” is a cardinal sin. “I think it’s disrespectful and weird in all honesty,” said one commenter, “especially family. If someone is a friend but not a close friend, I would get it more.”
Another parent said, “We picked an unusual name, it’s been my favourite girl name for my whole life. Our friends used it for their third baby a year later. Until it happened to me, I didn’t think I’d care, but honestly I really do.”
In another Reddit thread from 2024, someone asked to hear from people who had done the stealing. “I always hear stories about people whose names were taken but never from the other person’s point of view,” said the poster. “Any thieves care to share?”
“I couldn’t think of a single girl’s name,” shared one parent. “My sister mentioned her second-choice name for my niece and I loved it immediately. I asked her if I could use it, so not exactly stealing, but awkward. Luckily she never had any more girls.”
For other parents in the thread, “stealing” a baby name just isn’t that deep. “I named my son after a dog at the Westminster Dog Show,” one wrote. “Everyone gets a name from someone else.”
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