When You Can No Longer Trust Someone

Thank you for visiting this page.
I’m Yuna.

Trusting people is harder than we sometimes realize.

You were betrayed by a family member.

A friend said something you never expected.

A coworker shared something that the two of you had agreed to keep secret.

When something like this happens, anyone can get hurt.

“I don’t want to trust anyone anymore.”

You may feel that way.

Or, after being treated the same way over and over again, you may start to accept it as simply “what relationships are like” and eventually give up on expecting anything different.

But relationships are supposed to contain a sense of safety.

We are not meant to live entirely on our own. We live our lives while being connected to other people.

Whether it is family, friends, coworkers, or a partner, there is a certain sense of security that comes from being able to think:

“I can trust this person.”

“I can rely on them when I need help.”

“I can talk about my feelings without being immediately rejected or dismissed.”

That sense of safety is what allows us to remain in a relationship.

So when that sense of safety suddenly disappears, it can feel as though we can no longer stand on our own.

You may feel sad.

You may feel disappointed.

You may feel angry.

Of course, all of those feelings are natural.

But sometimes, beyond those feelings, you reach a different conclusion:

“I can no longer trust this person.”

And you decide to walk away from the relationship.

That is not necessarily running away.

Sometimes, leaving is a necessary choice to protect yourself.

And when we lose a relationship with someone, we tend to ask ourselves,

“Who can I trust next?”

But at times like that, what matters most may be somewhere else.

The first person you need to rebuild trust with is yourself.

Don’t ignore your feelings.

Allow yourself to admit when something hurts.

Rest when you are tired.

Notice when you are pushing yourself too hard.

And when you make a decision for yourself, follow through with it.

It can be something very small.

By doing these things, you gradually build experiences that tell you:

“I won’t betray my own feelings.”

“I won’t abandon myself.”

When trust with someone else has been broken, you don’t have to immediately look for someone new to trust.

First, rebuild your relationship with yourself.

Create a place within yourself that you can safely return to.

That can become the foundation for building relationships with others again.

Today, we have more options for living independently than we did in the past.

Of course, money is still necessary, and there are many things that make life difficult, including rising prices and problems at work.

Even so, there are more ways than before to step away from situations where you feel,

“I have to stay with these people because I have no other choice.”

So when you can no longer trust someone, you don’t have to give up on relationships altogether.

You can rest for a while.

You can create some distance.

And you can slowly rebuild trust in yourself.

As you begin to feel more grounded, you may gradually start to see the people around you again.

You may notice kindness that you couldn't see before.

You may unexpectedly connect with people you never would have met otherwise.

And perhaps, one day, you may find yourself thinking,

“Maybe people aren't as bad as I thought.”

The fact that you lost trust in someone does not mean you have to give up on every relationship that comes after them.

First, come back to a place where you can trust yourself again.

From there, you can begin building new relationships.

Thank you for reading until the end. 💐

Best regards,

Yuna Takahashi