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WCW Uncensored - Sunday, 3/14/99

By Big Mike

Tonight, on Movies For Guys Who Like Movies...
Westworld

Howdy everyone, once again. I am Big Mike, and it's time for Uncensored. Been away too long.
Let's fly through all the stuff about Hogan's face turn, Flair's heel turn and everything else with Joe Piscopo-like abandon. Here goes: Hogan as a face - hate it, Flair as a heel - love it, lumberjack match - love it, WCW style hardcore three-way match - we'll see, Sable in Playboy - damn good. That's it.
OK, enough pre-show comments. Now, with a cold Shiner in hand, on to the show............

We start with a montage of the Hogan-Flair situation
We are live from Louisville, Kentucky.
Tony "OHMYGODWE'REOUTOFTIMESEEYOUONTHUNDER!" Schiavone, Bobby "the Brain" Heenan, and "Iron" Mike Tenay commentating.
Kidman vs. Mikey Whipwreck for the Cruiserweight Title
- Good to see another ECW guy in WCW. We don't have ECW down here in Houston, but from what I have seen of it, it is very good.
- Kidman slapping hands as he comes to the ring.
- Typical exchange, now out to the floor, where Whipwreck is run into the railing.
- Kidman now goes throat first into the railing.
- Wow, Whipwreck has Kidman in some sort of weird-looking move, grabbing his head while he locks Kidman's legs up.
- Powerbomb by Whipwreck. Two count.
- Whipwreck knocks Kidman off the top rope and tries to dive onto him, but Kidman introduces him to Mr. Safety Rail.
- They are fighting outside the ring, and now back up. Ooh, Kidman gets smashed into the steps.
- Whipwreck with a nice clothesline from the top rope.
- Whipwreck with a couple of pin attempts, but to no avail.
- Snap suplex by Kidman. Shooting star press. 1-2-3. Kidman retains the championship in a great opening matchup.
We see a montage about the Vincent-Stevie Ray situation. Exciting.
Vincent vs. Stevie Ray in a Harlem Street Fight for control of the nWo black and white.
- Stevie Ray opens up on Vincent. This should be sort of interesting.
- We're on the floor, and Stevie Ray is in control. They are going back up into the stands and trading blows.
- They fight in an area of empty chairs, roped off because they are right in front of a fixed camera.
- Nice backdrop over the railing by Vince.
- Back in the ring, Stevie Ray rushes Vince and gets a boot to his face for his trouble.
- Here comes Horace, who throws a slapjack into the middle of the ring, saying "I don't care who wins, because I'm in charge of the black-and-white". Vincent grabs it first, but Stevie Ray boots Vincent, who drops the slapjack. Stevie Ray uses the slapjack, and performs the slapjack, to get the 1-2-3.
- Not a bad match, just because it was so short.
Kevin Nash (w/ Miss Elizabeth and Lex Luger) vs. Rey Misterio, Jr.
- This should be another weird match. I don't see Rey Misterio getting two clean victories over Nash.
- Both men appear intense. If anything, Misterio appears overconfident as he bull rushes Nash and gets a boot to the face. Now Misterio is "lawn darted" across the ring.
- DDT by Rey and Nash is down!
- Nash goes to the floor and Rey hits a baseball slide on Nash.
- It's all Nash outside and now back inside the ring. Rey is getting thrown around like a rag doll.
- Rey finally hits a dropkick and is running back to attack Nash, when Luger trips Rey. Nash hits a jack knife powerbomb for the win.
- Actually, for what it was worth, that was not all that bad of a match.
Jerry Flynn vs. Ernest "the Godfather of Cats" Miller and Sonny Onoo in a handicap match.
- The Cat comes in to his James Brown music. Actually a pretty cool entrance, but where the hell are the Flames?
- The Cat is preening as he comes to the ring.
- Miller with a standing kick on Flynn as he is calling to the crowd "I'm the greatest!" Miller throws Flynn into the ropes and gets a spinning wheel kick.
- Miller is on Flynn, and gets in a few moves, and then Miller invites Onoo in, a suggestion to which Onoo bristles.
- Onoo goes for the pin, but is thrown off with force. Onoo scurries back and makes a tag. Flynn gets a standing side kick from Miller for his trouble. Miller throws Flynn outside now.
- Flynn gets thrown into the guard rail, and Mickey Jay takes a chair out of Miller's hand.
- Onoo distracts Flynn, who is attacked by Miller. Now Flynn gets the upper hand and both men go back into the ring.
- Miller gets Flynn down and tries to get Onoo to tag in. He won't. Now Flynn smashes Miller into Onoo, who is effectively tagged in. Flynn throws Onoo in and gets the pin before the Cat can stop him.
Footage of Benoit and Malenko and Hennig and Malenko talking about the match to come tonight.
Raven (w/ Chastity) vs. Hak vs. Bam Bam Bigelow in a hardcore match to determine the King Of Hardcore.
- First of all, becoming the King Of Hardcore in WCW is akin to being the best NBA-caliber player in Mrs. Jablonsky's 5th grade class.
- Here comes Bigelow out first to no music.
- Hak comes out to Mongo's old music, wrapped in barbed wire. He's just not the same without the cold beer in his hand, like in ECW.
- Here comes Raven and Chastity, to a cool knock-off of Metallica's "Enter the Sandman." How appropriate. Chastity looks fairly hot.
- Bigelow and Raven start off and team up on Sandman, errrrrrrrrrr, Hak. Now Bigelow goes after both.
- Here comes Chastity with a industrial-size laundry hamper full of crap. Well, not crap, but trash cans, an ironing board, cookie sheet. Everything but the kitchen sink, which we might see. All right!!!
- Raven gets a nice trash can shot on Hak. He then uses two trash can lids like cymbals on Bigelow and then on Hak.
- Man, there's a lot of stuff in there. There's a snow shovel, which the announcers are making a big deal over, so I see that being used.
- Hak trying to use an ironing board on Bigelow, but gets an oar broken over his head for his trouble
- There's a damn mailbox, which Raven uses on both of the others.
- Drop toehold by Raven into the garbage can. Heenan says it looks like Schiavone's room at Motel 3.
- Hak breaks the ironing board over Raven's head!
- OUCH!!!! Raven runs Hak into the ironing board in the corner. Rampant "ECW" chants in the arena, which the WCW sound crews drown out as soon as they start. Raven trips Bigelow into another garbage can.
- Raven sets up two garbage cans into the corner, but Bigelow catches him and throws him into it.
- It just occurred to me how non-chalant the announcers are. They are almost bemused during this match. Here I am all pumped up trying to watch and yell and type at the same time, and Tony, Mike, and Bobby are quietly laughing at all the stuff. No wonder WCW can't build up any heat.
- It's just a street fight. No blood, though. You name it, these guys are hitting each other with it. Each of the three looks dazed.
- Hak uses a box fan on Bigelow, which just crumbles. Here's a paint tray now! Raven uses it on both men, and then grinds the oar into the, er, anchors of both Hak and Bigelow. Ouch.
- Raven holsters the oar a la Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
- Hak and then Raven and then both, jump on Bigelow to try to apply a sleeper, but Bigelow throws them off.
- Hak frankensteiners Raven, and then goes under the ring for a table. Tony, sort of sarcastically: "There just happens to be a table there!" Great one, Tony. Really.
- Bigelow takes over on Hak as he brings the table to the ring. Bigelow now sets the table up and puts Hak on it. Bigelow goes to the top and Hak rolls off the table. Bigelow comes down of the ropes and powerbombs Hak onto the table, which doesn't break. Big splash by Bigelow to break the table!!!!!!
- Bigelow dives on Raven to prevent the cover.
- Bigelow goes outside after a "caning" by Hak, and finds a fire extinguisher and another couple of tables! Tony states that there must have been a buffet before the matches tonight. Two tonight by Tony.
- Hak sets it up in the corner and throws Bigelow into it. Raven with an Evenflow DDT on Hak! Wait, Chastity is handing her "brother" a roll of electrical tape.
- Raven sets up Hak and tapes his hands behind his back. FYI, electrical tape is not nearly as believable as duct tape would have been. Electrical tape has too much give.
- As Hak's hands are tied up, Raven hits him with four (count 'em, four) chair shots. Hak's hands come undone, but he is out cold.
- Bigelow grabs Raven and hits Greetings from Asbury Park! Chastity backs up to get away from Bigelow, who is coming her way, and falls into the hamper where all the crap came from. Bigelow goes up top and Chastity comes out of the hamper with the fire extinguisher and sprays Bigelow in the eyes!
- Raven is setting Hak up now for a cookie sheet shot, but Chastity comes up behind him. She BLASTS Raven with a shower from the fire extinguisher, then she performs a perfect falling head butt, ouch, down into Raven's cods. I guess you could call that move the Chastity Belt, if you wheeeeel. Hak rolls on top of Raven for the 1-2-3. Chastity is berating Raven as she leaves the ring with Hak.
- Hell of a match!!!!!!
Yadda-yadding and blah-blahing by the Three Stooges while they clean out the ring.
Dean Malenko and Chris Benoit vs. Barry Windham and Curt Hennig for the World Tag Team Championship
- Should be a decent match. I haven't seen a lumberjack match in ages. First we see the lumberjacks come to the ring: Nor-man Smi-ley, Hugh Morrus, Meng, Kenny Kaos, "Gentleman" Chris Adams, Kendall Windham, Bobby Duncum, Jr., and Prince Iaukea. Most notable is, of course, Kendall Windham. Hmmmmmmm.
- Here comes the boys, Malenko and Benoit.
- Here are Hennig and Windham. Windham's got the "Billy Goat Gruff" goatee going.
- Tenay notes that Hennig winked at Kendall Windham. Yes, he did, but I think he just likes him a lot (note the sarcasm). Kendall Windham and Bobby Duncum, Jr. are on one side of the ring. Aside from the obvious relationship Hennig and Windham would have with Kendall, they've formed somewhat of an alliance with Duncum at house shows.
- Wait, here comes Arn Anderson!
  
  He whispers something to Chris Adams, who leaves. Arn pulls out a strap. All right! Looks like we've got a replacement lumberjack.
- Hennig and Windham try to leave, with predictable results. They are "escorted" back into the ring by all of the lumberjacks led by Arn Anderson.
- Back in the ring, Hennig and Benoit trade slaps. Hennig tries to go out again, but is whipped back in by Norman Smiley and Prince Iaukea.
- Now Windham comes in, and is getting worked by Benoit. Windham then goes outside and gets worked by the lumberjacks. Benoit tags Malenko in. Nice dropkick by Malenko.
- Now Malenko is working Windham too. Malenko finally tags Benoit back in.
- Nice DDT by Windham, who looks as agile as ever. Hennig is tagged in and throws Benoit out to Kendall Windham and friends, including Meng a couple of times. Man, I'd hate to be out there with Meng as a lumberjack.
- Windham comes back in and gets the nice big forearm smash, and then a big standing drop-kick on Benoit. Here comes Hennig back in to work on Benoit. It's about time for a hot tag.
- Yup, there it is. After a German suplex, here comes Malenko. He is a proverbial house a-fire.
- All four men in the ring now. Hennig goes for the Perfect..., er, Hennigplex, but is rebuffed and Malenko hits one of his own! Two count only, though.
- Malenko gets the Texas Cloverleaf on Hennig, but Windham breaks it up with a soupbone to the head.
- Hennig throws Malenko out. Windham back in with a body slam on Malenko. Suplex by Windham. Two count only though. The announcers talk about Windham and his father, the legendary Blackjack Mulligan.
- Hennig comes in and applies a sleeper to Malenko. Arn and Hennig are talking smack to each other. Hennig finally relinquishes the sleeper.
- Windham has Malenko in the corner and throws him out. The lumberjacks begin whipping on Malenko and Arn comes over and asks, "What's the matter with you guys?" They're doing their jobs, AA.
- Windham picks up Malenko, who slides out with punches, and both men fall to the ground. Both men tag their partners.
- Benoit is cleaning house. All four men are in now. Benoit and Windham go outside to fight with the lumberjacks. Hennig has a belt, with which he nails Malenko. Arn comes up on the apron, and gets nailed by Hennig. Arn pulls a tire iron out of his vest and comes in and NAILS Hennig while the ref is distracted.
- Benoit is up on top now as Windham and Malenko are outside. Diving headbutt from across the ring on Hennig. 1-2-3. We have new tag team champs!
- Three in a row from Schiavone, who says, "Never has there been a more deserving man to hold the gold in WCW than Chris Benoit." Amen, brother.
- Nice match.
Chris Jericho w/ Ralphus vs. Saturn in a dog collar match.
- Out comes Jericho with Ralphus. Ralphus is keeping the fans off Jericho. That's hilarious. Tenay says that the only thing that should be censored tonight is Ralphus' gut. Ha!
- The lights go out, and here comes Saturn in a dress that looks like a bunch of chains put together. Bobby says he must have bought all his clothes at Ace Hardware. The lights come back up, and Saturn's face is all made up like Marilyn Manson, and, weird! His eyes are yellow-green colored.
- Jericho gets on the mic and says that if we want a dog collar match, we got one. He tells Ralphus to put the dog collar on, and Ralphus tells him he won't and leaves. Jericho gets a mouthpiece from him as he leaves. Tony says Jericho got a mouthpiece from Ralphus, and Heenan responds, "he's got an attorney?" Classic.
- Jericho won't put it on, so Saturn gives him two belly-to-belly suplexes and puts the collar on. Jericho goes outside, but Saturn, er, yanks his chain and pulls him back into the ring.
- Shades of the classic Roddy Piper-Greg Valentine match here.
- Had to turn my surround sound off. That damn chain sound was getting on my nerves.
- Saturn is choking Jericho with the chain.
- Saturn has Jericho set up on the ropes and then goes outside and pulls Jericho down onto the guard rail.
- Saturn is jerking Jericho around on the outside.
- Saturn throws Jericho into the ropes, put Jericho slides under his legs and pulls the chain up to catch Saturn in the jewels.
- Jericho throws Saturn up and over the ropes from the apron, put the chain pulls Jericho in as well. Hard move to execute.
- Saturn with a small package attempt after being choked by the dog collar, but only a two.
- Jericho goes up top, but is yanked down off the ropes by Saturn, who then gives Jericho a standing sidekick, and throws Jericho around a couple of times by the dog collar.
- Jericho with a powerbomb into the Liontamer. But, as he has it on, Saturn is wrapping the chain around Jericho's neck. As Jericho applies the Liontamer, he is also being choked by the chain!!!! Jericho falls off gasping for air. Nice execution by both men.
- Saturn hits a Death Valley Driver on the chain, but Jericho kicks out at two. Excellent match!
- Saturn sets Jericho up on the ropes, and tries for a Frankenstiener, but Jericho powerbombs him off the top rope! Two count only. Jericho takes the chain off of Saturn and wraps it around himself.
- Jericho goes up top to try a lionsault, but misses. Body slam by Jericho, who then goes up top again.
- Jericho misses a flying body press. Saturn with another DVD. This time he gets a three count! It's all over. Super match!
They go backstage to the Internet location and Mikey Whipwreck is talking with the usual crew about his match.
"Big Poppa Steroid" Scott Steiner vs. Booker T for the World Television Title
- Nothing to ruin a good PPV flow like Scott Steiner
- The usual BPP crap to start. He says he's a genetic mutant or some other such crap.
- Slow match early. What a surprise. Steiner is taunting Booker T.
- Steiner is avoiding Booker T, finally he has Mickey Jay check Booker T's gloves and attacks Booker T in the middle of it.
- Booker T laying some soupbones in. Snap suplex attempt blocked twice but Booker hits the standing sidekick and an atomic drop
- Booker T up top. Hits a flying bodypress, but he is pulled off by Buff Bagwell as he goes for the pin. They go outside and as Booker T goes for Buff, Steiner (predictably) catches him.
- Booker T gets thrown over the safety rail, and into the crowd.
- Back in the ring, and BPP puts Booker T down with a press slam and poses to the crowd.
  - This is why WCW is on the bottom looking up right now. This match does not interest me at all. There is no excitement surrounding the match. Even the fans in Kentucky are non-respondent to this match. This would be a good first or second match.
- Booker T comes back and hits a standing sidekick, but nuts himself on the ropes.
- Tony says this has been a very physical matchup. My ass.
- Scissor kick by Booker T. Tenay calls it an "axe" kick, and Heenan says, "a what kick?"
- Harlem sidekick. Booker T goes up top. Here comes Buff (predictably) again to knock him down.
- Superplex by Steiner and Buff brings a chair in. Buff (predictably) hits Steiner as Booker T moves. Booker T kicks Buff and gets the 1-2-3 to become the new World TV champ.
- That match was a textbook predictable match. I could have booked that one. However, according to the look on Booker T's face, he was surprised.
We show the cage being built AGAIN. Michael Buffer is out for the main event.
Hollywood Hogan vs. "Nature Boy" Ric Flair for the World Heavyweight Championship
- Well, hopefully, this match gives us some closure, but I have to doubt that. Sounds like it though. Flair's career vs. the belt and the "presidency" of WCW.
- Flair's out first. His entrance still gives me chills. I mean, I know this stuff is a show and all, but Flair is the MAN. Heel or face, I still love Ric Flair. Flair cuts the music and gets on the mic. He tells Charles Robinson to stop the match as his own discretion, not because of a little scratch. This is a first blood match. He is acting like a heel. He tells someone in the crowd, "Hey, you shut up buddy if you don't like it!"
- Here comes the anti-tradition, the "Champ," Hollywood Hogan, by himself.
- And here comes the cage. Without a door. With razor wire at the top. Buffer scrambles to get the hell out. Ominous cage-lowering music, please. Thank you.
- Schiavone states how honored Charles Robinson is to referee one of Flair's matches.
- No room on the outside of the cage. That's good.
- Hogan is a house a-fire as we start. Uncharacteristically.
- Flair with the traditional Flair chops. Now Hogan with Flair chops. Now Flair again.
- Hogan calls out to the fans and puts on a figure-four leglock. I didn't know Hogan could do any actual wrestling moves!
- Hogan throws Flair into the cage headfirst.
- Hogan has Flair on the ropes and is trying to bite him. Flair into the cage again. He is trying to crawl along the cage. Hogan pulls his tights and we get a full moon of Flair. Flair is bleeding above his right eye! What the hell. No ending yet.
- Hogan pulls some of the wire down and is raking Flair with it!
- Now Hogan is whipping Flair with his belt.
- Man, Flair is busted WIDE OPEN!
- The crowd is calling bulls-t.
- Hogan is SLAMMING Flair's head into the cage.
- If this is incidental blood, my name is Dusty Rhodes.
- Hogan gives a leg drop and goes for the pin. Hogan is calling to the ref to end the match, but he won't. Hogan is looking like his old bewildered self when he used to get screwed all the time.
- Flair has brass knucks and decks Hogan.
- Flair throws Hogan into the cage and pummels him with the brass knucks.
- Here comes "Mr. Personality" David Flair and Torrie Wilson.
- Flair spits on his son and I could swear he said, "get out of here, you prick."
- Schiavone uses a legendary term about how Flair's face is a "crimson mask."
- Flair is chopping and Hogan is "hulking up." Here is the face turn setup, plainer than day.
- Hogan pummeling Flair and the crowd is cheering Hogan! Leg drop. Pin attempt, which Charles Robinson rebuffs. Finally, a weak one count.
- Suplex by Flair. Flair keeps yelling at his son to "shut up! Fourteen-time champ! Fourteen-time champ." Also a plainer than day heel turn by Flair.
- Hogan gets up and shakes his head. Tremendous match, but weird.
- Hogan calling out to the crowd again.
- The referee gets wiped out. David Flair is calling for Hogan to end it.
- Here comes Arn Anderson, who wipes out and stomps David Flair!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Torrie jumps on Arn, who shrugs her off.
- Arn hands Flair a tire iron, and Flair wipes Hogan out.
- Flair puts on the figure four leglock. Charles Robinson counts three. We have a NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, AND FOR THE 14^TH TIME IT IS THE NATURE BOY RIC FLAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- That was sooo weird. But we saw Hogan's face turn, I think. David Flair gets in to help Hogan as the cage is being raised.
- Ric Flair is a mess of blood as AA helps him out.
- And it's over.
Well, I thought, besides the Steiner match and the Vincent-Stevie Ray match, this was one of the best PPV's WCW has put on in a long time. This should be an interesting Nitro coming up tomorrow night. It may be one of the most important Nitros in WCW history considering the ratings in the past few weeks.
Well, adios everyone, I am Big Mike, and I am out.

Aug	SEP	Oct
	30
2006	2007	2008

WCW Uncensored - Sunday, 3/14/99

By Big Mike

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