The Night Before Moving — Things I Cannot Decide 2026/4/28 (Tue) R8

Kanon
Kanon
April 28, 2026 18:57

Tomorrow, I leave for Matsuyama.

The boxes I packed are already in the car.
I have thrown away many things I decided to let go of.
Documents, bankbooks, my My Number card — I have no hesitation about those.

And yet, the things left at the very end are the ones I simply cannot decide on.

I don’t know whether I feel unwell because I cannot decide,
or whether I cannot decide because I feel unwell.

How many books should I take with me?
Books on acupuncture. Books on English.
When I think that I might someday do something again, I cannot let them go.

There are notebooks from when my children were small —
notebooks where they sang phonics songs,
notebooks where I wrote down the first words they spoke at one and a half years old.

Once I find them, my hands stop, and time disappears.

I was able to decide not to take photographs.
But these notebooks — I cannot leave them behind, and I cannot throw them away.

Perhaps it is because they are not “things,” but time itself.

Today, I made a small pouch of medicines.
When I decided, “only enough so I won’t need to shop for 48 hours,” I felt a little lighter.

In the morning, I also decided to place an order for the three-wheeled electric bicycle I will ride in Matsuyama.
Thinking about the hills, the wind, and my body from now on,
I realized this is not a luxury, but a safety device.

I thought I had already done everything.
And yet, at the very end, things like this rise to the surface.

At night, my husband asked if I wanted to go to Mochimune Minato Onsen.
I am not particularly eager to go, but I feel that my body might be relieved if I do.

Perhaps I am wondering whether to put a small closure
to the time I have spent here in Shizuoka.

I used to think moving was simply about transporting belongings.
But what remains at the end is not things —
only feelings that cannot be decided.

Tomorrow, I will surely be able to move.
Perhaps today, it is all right to remain undecided.

#MovingEve
#PackingUp
#LettingGo
#Memories
#DeclutteringLife
#LifeTransition
#SeniorLife
#Matsuyama