The Day I Threw Away My Dictionaries 2026/4/25 (Sat) R8

Kanon
April 25, 2026 11:49

When I was a student, I had no money.
And yet, there were dictionaries I felt I absolutely had to own.

6,000 yen for the English–Japanese.
6,000 yen for the Japanese–English.
If I added a thesaurus and a dictionary of synonyms, the cost became overwhelming.
Still, I made up my mind that at least these two volumes were essential, and I bought them.

In graduate school, we had classes where we read original literary texts in very small groups.
Since I never knew which part I would be called on to read, I had to prepare everything.

Words that did not appear in ordinary dictionaries came up one after another.
I turned the pages of that thick dictionary again and again, sometimes in tears.
It was like a huge pickling stone.

That dictionary was the bridge between me and the English I could not yet read.

I once believed I would never be able to throw it away as long as I lived.
But one day, a thought came to me:
“If I die, who will have to throw this away for me?”

From then on, I began to think that someday, I should let it go myself.

During this move to Ehime,
I tied the dictionary with string and put it out with the garbage.

I still understand how excellent that dictionary was.
I know that it contained a depth that exists only in paper dictionaries made for researchers.

But I no longer need to go to the place where that dictionary is required.
I no longer have the desire to become a researcher.

From now on, I will use English
to talk with my grandchildren, my son, and my daughter.
I will read what I can read, speak what I can speak, write what I can write.
Listening is the hardest, but I am at peace with that.

Because I was able to make this decision,
I think I was also able to decide to reduce my belongings.

Those dictionaries that I once treasured with such pride and desperation.
I had not opened them for many years,
but they were volumes filled with so much of my time.

Today, I quietly folded that time away.

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