[002] The Helix of Purgatory (Rondo)

Ⅰ. Obsession with Life

I am Kaito, twenty-five years old.
In this world saturated only with the smell of mud and gunpowder, I no longer remember when I woke up. I just realized I was a soldier. Though exhausted by conflict, my body was muscular and tough. My memory was profoundly vague; only the sensation that I must have been stabbed and died somewhere lingered deep in my chest.
War, murder, hunger, crime. Living was pure suffering all over the world. But I wanted to live. I was obsessed with surviving this irrational world and eventually finding a place of peace.
That day, I heard a young woman scream on the street.
In the shadow of a ruin, three men surrounded her. The woman looked about twenty-five. Her thin clothes were torn open, and her body was sensual, drawing the men's gaze. She showed no resistance; in fact, she wore a faint smile.
"Hey, stop that!"
I rushed forward impulsively and attacked the men. My body, trained as a soldier, easily defeated the ruffians accustomed to killing. I was bleeding from my head and gasping for breath, and the woman spat at me.
"Why did you interfere?"
Her voice held quiet anger. The woman possessed a beauty that seemed to radiate light, and her body was like a perfectly refined work of art. She introduced herself as Nana.
"I saved you, so why would you say that?"
"You didn't save me. I wanted to be killed."
Nana sighed deeply. Her expression contained not fear or despair, but the frustration of having a long-awaited moment stolen.
In this world, everyone believed that if you were killed by someone, you would go to "Heaven." This was a shared faith. A place of eternal peace, free from hunger and pain. But suicide was impossible. Whether you hanged yourself or cut your belly, death immediately reversed, and your body returned to its original state, leaving only deep wounds and pain. So everyone wished to be killed by someone else, entrusting their death to others.
And it was also believed that you had to kill many people to be sent back to the "Current World." I had seen people disappear many times on the battlefield after killing many. They used the souls of others as sacrifices to return to this world. I had killed at least fifty people. It should have been my turn to return to the Current World soon.
"That's your punishment for saving me. Come with me."
Nana turned her back on me and walked away. I followed her, not knowing why. I couldn't resist the decadent allure she exuded, a mix of the thirst for death and resignation to life.

Ⅱ. The Demand for Climax

The few days I spent with Nana were filled with strange tranquility and constant tension. She never took any actions to live. She didn't eat, just sat and gazed at the conflict outside the window.
"Kaito, you're obsessed with staying alive, aren't you?"
"Of course. If I don't live, how can I escape this hell?"
"Hell? No. This is paradise."
Nana scoffed. Then, her eyes suddenly took on a look of intense desire.
"Kill me, Kaito. Kill me. You are strong. I am sure you can give me the ultimate climax."
She stripped off her clothes. Her perfect body was illuminated by the moonlight. It was a pure mass of temptation. Her gaze was fixed on the knife in my hand.
"What are you saying! I don't want to kill anyone!"
"Oh? But if you kill me, you can go to Heaven. Eternal peace awaits you. And I can pass away in the highest pleasure. What more beautiful exchange could there be?"
Nana approached me, step by step, as if to provoke me. Her skin was warm and emitted a sweet scent. My reason was paralyzed. I was obsessed with living. But the pain of continuing to live in this world had already exceeded its limit.
"Please. Give me the highest, the ultimate climax."
Her whisper burned away my last piece of sanity. It was not murder, but a frantic mix of love, hate, and a desperate escape from this hell.
I kissed her lips and pushed her to the ground. A violent embrace mixed with love and murder. She pleaded,
"Ah, I'm almost there. Please, kill me,"
purely desiring only to be killed.
I gripped the knife that had been thrown aside and plunged it into Nana's chest.
As the blood splattered, she let out a roaring gasp. Nana convulsed all over, wearing a look of ecstasy. And she became enveloped in a fanatic smile I had never seen before.
"Ah, ah..."
With an inarticulate gasp, Nana's body convulsed two or three times, then went quietly cold.
I collapsed beside her.
It's over now. Freedom from this hell. Peace.
My consciousness rapidly faded. The last thing I saw in the corner of my vision was Nana's smiling face in death.

Ⅲ. Satiation of Pleasure

When I woke up, I was not in the Current World.
It was a zero-gravity space, filled with soft light. The air was thick with a sweet fragrance that seemed unearthly. And then, pleasure.
Every pore, nerve, and cell in my body was exposed to a continuous, intense sexual stimulation. My sense of touch was caressed by silk-like fabric one moment, only to be struck by electrical micro-vibrations the next. My hearing was filled with beautiful music and the whispers of loving caresses near my ear.
"Ah..."
I convulsed and gasped. This was orgasm. And it wouldn't end. The waves of pleasure, which hit me repeatedly, stimulated all five senses simultaneously and numbed my consciousness.
"This is Heaven..."
However, less than two hours later, the pleasure began to transform into agony.
The intensity of the pleasure was too high. Nerves were burned out by the excessive input, and my brain felt like it was about to burst from the pain. The sweet fragrance changed into the stench of decaying internal organs, and the touch caressing my body turned into a burning pain that seemed to peel off my skin.
"Stop it! Please, stop!"
I writhed and screamed. This was no longer forced ejaculation. This was torture. The sheer pain hidden behind the climax of pleasure.
Now I could understand Nana's reason for calling that conflict-ridden world "paradise." This was nothing more than a reset spot after hell.
After enduring several hours of hell where pleasure and pain merged, my consciousness blacked out.

Ⅳ. The Helix's Reversal

When I woke up again, the surroundings were filled with the smell of gunpowder, hunger, and murder. I was back in that hell.
I stared blankly at my body. My clothes were thin, and my body was perfectly shaped, like a mirror. Slender limbs, a rich bust, smooth skin.
I had become Nana.
Female gender. I had no memory, but this body remembered. This body had been repeatedly reincarnated in this hell as the perfect tool to gain only the ultimate climax right before death.
I gasped in confusion, unconsciously walking down a dim alley. Then, three men approached me with leering smiles. The men ripped my clothes and examined my body as if playing with it.
"Will I get the climax now? Oh, please."
I wished it in my heart. If I could experience that again, I would reincarnate here any number of times.
"Hey, stop that!"
I recognized that man's voice. The man was covered in mud and exhausted, but his eyes held an obsession with living.
Yes. I knew this man. This man was Kaito, the one who would save me—yes, my own former self.
The man rushed forward and knocked down the three men. Then, bleeding from his head and gasping for breath, he approached me.
I said in a trembling voice,
"Why did you interfere?"
The man looked confused—the same face I had worn before.
I ignored his words, simply offering a desperate smile. I couldn't get that moment of pleasure unless I was killed. This body craved the ultimate climax.
"That's your punishment for saving me. Come with me."
I turned my back on the man. My heart was screaming, but this body was perfectly trying to repeat the role I had played before. The man followed me without resistance, just as I had followed her that day.
Ah, this is the infinite hell. The body alternates between Nana and Kaito with each reincarnation, but the soul cannot escape this helix. Becoming the woman's body that eternally craves to be killed for the highest pleasure, and becoming the man's body that kills the woman out of obsession with living.
I walked, silently shedding tears. However, those tears felt like the tears of joy from the soul of Nana, deep within this body, which continued to seek the ultimate climax.
I will be killed by that man again. And after enduring that hell of pleasure again, I will return to this world in another body. In the infinite helix of purgatory, a rondo of love and murder.
Her face was faintly smiling.

(The End)