Silence Creates Distance Only Love Can Span (Manuscript)

SHIROBAI - MAMA-SAN | EPISODE 012
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Emi insisted that Hana tie the kōtsū-anzen omamori to the basket in front of their old Mama-chari. Since Emi’s behaviour had been stellar despite the long day of learning and the long journey to and from home, Hana wanted to make Emi happy. When she was finished with her task, Hana found that Emi had a big smile that stretched from ear to ear. Emi clapped her hands happily and chirped, “It looks so nice, mummy! Now, we will both be safe wherever we go!”

Hana was still a little quiet because she was disappointed that she didn't have enough money to buy all the necessary amulets, but it couldn't be helped.

During the long ride back home, Hana found herself turning over thoughts on how and where to get an additional 3,000 yen for the remaining amulets that she wanted to buy. The easiest, most “clean" solution would simply be to wait till her next paycheck expected at the end of the following week but her anxiety about the upcoming major change of circumstances troubled her. Her heart grew restless, silently demanding recognition for the fear and guilt that were welling up inside.

When they arrived at the foot of their apartment building, Hana was still quiet and poor Emi began asking herself again if she had done anything wrong to upset her mother.

Hana's mind was so distracted, she didn't notice that her silence had turned the air icy cold and made Emi feel more distress. Hana seemed to move on auto pilot as she subconsciously took hold of Emi's hand as they both walked into their small apartment.

Still on auto pilot, Hana helped Emi to undress and have an early bath before helping Emi to take her usual short nap.

As she sat silently next to the little girl and stared off into the distance, fretting over how her acceptance at the Police Academy would impact so many people all at once, she felt Emi turn and bury her face into Hana's lap.

Hana looked down at the small form and allowed her heart to cleave slowly in two. She could smell the sweet scent of her freshly washed child and wondered how she was going to manage without Emi's gentle trust and love for the ten long months they would be apart.

“Mummy?” Emi asked softly, face still buried in her mother's lap, her tiny hand gripping Hana’s old track pants.

“Hmmm? What is it?"

Emi looked up to search her mother's face just as Hana looked down and saw the sad confusion in the girl's eyes.

“Did I do something wrong?" Emi asked with a hint of trepidation.

The question shook Hana out of her web of thoughts. “No, of course not … What made you think that?” Hana asked out of genuine concern.

Brave little Emi searched her mother's eyes and saw her own vulnerability reflected there. After a moment's consideration, she mustered up her courage and said, "You look sad, Mummy.”

Realizing now that her silence was already affecting her child, Hana let out a sharp breath, releasing her tension into the air. She smiled at her baby, whom she loved so deeply and who obviously loved her just as much in return. She gently stroked Emi's head and said, "Mummy just has too many things to think about, Emi. Forgive me?”

She then carefully slid down the futon next to Emi, wrapped her arms around
the child, and held her close.

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Author’s Note
This story is dedicated to all single mothers out there. It is a work of fiction set in Osaka, Japan and written with much love and devotion. While the characters and events are fictional, every effort has been made to portray everyday life, work, and society as realistically as possible.
Some occupations, procedures, and institutions may be simplified or adapted for storytelling purposes.

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